Our Lives Are Made In These Small Hours

Too often we look around and only see the bad.  And why not?  Sometimes life really isn't the kindest to us.  Sometimes life hands us lemons that make some pretty crappy lemonade.  Sometimes we have so many unfortunate things and events in our lives that it hides any and all good.  It's in those times those that we have to dig as deep as we possible and scrape the bottom for any bit of strength we have.  We need that strength to scrutinize closely our lives and find something worth living for - something worth moving forward for.  It could just be some tiny moment in time that gives the spark we need to go just a little farther.

Last night, I lived one of those moments.

As usual, I attended the regular Tuesday night spin class taught by my favorite instructor and very dear friend.  She often plays my music for warm-ups and cool-downs in her classes, so I was expecting that.  I did not expect what transpired in class.  We started our first big climb of the class to strumming I knew I had heard before.  Within a few seconds, my voice came booming over the loud speakers of the class.  We began our climb to one of the newest songs I recorded: "Extraordinary."  I couldn't believe it.  It was surreal to be pushing and pulling against resistance to the rhythm of my own voice.  I closed my eyes and rode.  As the final chorus played, the instructor encouraged us; "Be extraordinary," she told us.  I closed my eyes tighter.  How could this be happening to me when just two hours earlier I felt so depleted?

Last night's spin class proved that our lives might be filled with difficulties, but it's the small moments that make all the struggle worth it.  It's the five minutes of hearing a song you wrote just a month previously booming over the loud speaker.  It's the five minutes of watching everyone in the class move to the beat of your melody.  It's the friend who believes in your talent enough to play that song.  It's the people who constantly encourage and challenge you to be the best person you can be by both words and example.  It's the people who supported you when you weren't strong enough to support yourself.  It's the glimmer in your eye when you believe, if only briefly, that you can achieve the goal you've always dreamed of attaining.  It's the smile on your face when these small moments can breathe life into you.

It's easy to dwell on the difficult and the struggle.  In fact, sometimes it's important to dwell on it while we process and deal.  But if we can dig deep enough, we just might find the strength to decide if the small moments are worth the struggle.  I can't say you'll always believe they are; I can't say I have always believed it.  But, I hope you will at least be strong enough to consider it. 

Until next time...peace.

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

For those who don't know, I'll be taking the Arizona Bar Exam (yeah, the one to become a full-fledged lawyer) in a month.  I had originally thought about suspending my blog until I had time to make the at least weekly posts I promised myself.  But, I had to do at least one about my experience this weekend.

This weekend, thanks to some very very very good people and dear friends, I got to live my dreams for at least one day.  On Sunday, my photographer (and friend) showed up at my front door armed with her camera and encouragement.  A couple hours, four outfits, and two locations later, we had close to 100 pictures I could use to help promote my music.  If feeling like a model for a couple hours isn't surreal enough, I then spent two hours standing in front of a mic with my guitar plugged into a soundboard laying down track after track until literally my fingers bled.  Two or so hours later with the help of my friends and their son, I had nine tracks put down on a CD.

Recording those tracks moved me the most.  When I strummed the last chord of "Lie to Me" I had to do everything in my power to hold it together.  It's usually an emotional song, but it had so much more significance that day.  It was the song that had started my writing frenzy this past Fall.  And, here I was singing into recording equipment to distribute to anyone willing to listen to me.  When I strummed the last chord of that song on the floor of my empty bedroom, I could only have dreamed it would even see the light of day outside my room.  There I was recording it.  There I was living it.

I still can't comprehend how much Sunday meant to me.  For that day, I felt like the music I made was really something of value - something that deserved the multiple hours of recording.  I felt proud of what I had to offer the world in song.  I felt like confident enough to believe someone might actually want to listen to my songs.  By the end of the day, I was mentally exhausted.  I had concentrated on lyrics, chords, and notes for over two hours.  I had spilled emotion after emotion out in melody to be preserved for the future.  Everything I had thought was only a wild imagination had become a little more tangible that day.  Then, when I ripped the cd onto my mp3 player, it finally started to hit me.  Tears came down as I listened to what I only imagined was my own voice.  I heard a song I once wrote sitting on my empty bedroom floor with even more tears flowing down my face.  Was what I heard really real?  I still don't know.

I got to live my dream for that day with photos and recording.  But, those dreams will be put on hold for a month as I spend more of my days studying.  I feel cheated somehow that I have to study for an exam I don't even want to take instead of focusing on something that brings me far more joy - my music.  Then I remember that I waited 5 years once for a song to come out.  I waited 8 years to have the confidence to take my music seriously.  I waited 25 years to finally convince myself that my dreams will only ever become reality if I make them so.  So...I think I can wait for one month...I hope.

Until next post...peace.