Have a Little Bit of Faith in Me

Patience.  My mom always said it was a virtue I never had.  She's probably right.  When something needs to get done or I want it to be done, I want it done immediately.  I've learned to temper the urge as I got older, but that doesn't mean I ever learned patience.  I think it's time I learned it.  I started running again.

Last August, I stopped running completely because of a hip injury.  When I got the diagnosis and was told to stay away from high impact sports, I was devastated.  It meant I couldn't run the Chicago Marathon I had registered for.  I picked it up again here or there after my doctor said it was okay.  But, I never got back into the swing of things again.  While I was out on injury, I focused on cycling and spinning.  I completely immersed myself in cycling last fall in preparation for El Tour de Tucson.  If I couldn't run the Chicago Marathon, I could certainly give the 109-mile race my all.  So, I was extra cautious and stayed away from an extensive running schedule, worried I would throw my hip out of commission again.

Since I left the sport from injury, I've run here or there but never anything more than seven miles - usually closer to four or five miles.  Now that I'm starting back up again I've learned that it's not strength, endurance, or even cardiovascular strength that I need the most; it's patience and a little bit of faith in the process.

I need patience because I'm essentially starting from scratch.  I'm starting from those days when I never called it running; I called it shuffling.  I'm starting from the days when just finishing the mileage was a success let alone achieving a specific time goal.  I'm starting from the days where more people pass me than I them.  It's frustrating.  I want to be back at my old pace.  I want to be able to run a half-marathon without a problem.  I don't just want these lofty goals generally.  I want them now.  But, I don't have them now.  I won't have them for awhile.  It's probably what kept me away from the sport for so long.  I was endlessly frustrated with myself and decided the process wasn't worth it.

Slowly but surely, I'm learning though.  I did a long run at a pace that would've mortified me a year ago.  But, I felt strong for most of the run and truly enjoyed shuffling along on the river path.  I'm learning to appreciate that getting back to speed is a process.  And, I'm learning that the process is just as important and exciting as the finished product.  And, I'm learning that this lesson will serve me well in other areas of life as well, like writing and songwriting.

I want so desperately to be done with my current writing project because it's so painful to endure, but I know it's going to take a lot of time to get everything down and coherent.  I'm learning to accept that the process is worth it though.  Many of my songs are close to a finished product within two hours.  Others have taken upwards of three months.  None of them though are ever good when I rush the process.  Sometimes it takes playing the chord progressions over and over again.  Or maybe it takes running through the work in progress again and again until that perfect rhyme or melody variation sinks into place.  Like running, the process of writing - fiction or songs - is as important and exciting as the finished product.  And, like running, appreciating the process takes patience and a little bit of faith that it'll all come out okay.

Until next time...peace.