A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

For those who don't know, I'll be taking the Arizona Bar Exam (yeah, the one to become a full-fledged lawyer) in a month.  I had originally thought about suspending my blog until I had time to make the at least weekly posts I promised myself.  But, I had to do at least one about my experience this weekend.

This weekend, thanks to some very very very good people and dear friends, I got to live my dreams for at least one day.  On Sunday, my photographer (and friend) showed up at my front door armed with her camera and encouragement.  A couple hours, four outfits, and two locations later, we had close to 100 pictures I could use to help promote my music.  If feeling like a model for a couple hours isn't surreal enough, I then spent two hours standing in front of a mic with my guitar plugged into a soundboard laying down track after track until literally my fingers bled.  Two or so hours later with the help of my friends and their son, I had nine tracks put down on a CD.

Recording those tracks moved me the most.  When I strummed the last chord of "Lie to Me" I had to do everything in my power to hold it together.  It's usually an emotional song, but it had so much more significance that day.  It was the song that had started my writing frenzy this past Fall.  And, here I was singing into recording equipment to distribute to anyone willing to listen to me.  When I strummed the last chord of that song on the floor of my empty bedroom, I could only have dreamed it would even see the light of day outside my room.  There I was recording it.  There I was living it.

I still can't comprehend how much Sunday meant to me.  For that day, I felt like the music I made was really something of value - something that deserved the multiple hours of recording.  I felt proud of what I had to offer the world in song.  I felt like confident enough to believe someone might actually want to listen to my songs.  By the end of the day, I was mentally exhausted.  I had concentrated on lyrics, chords, and notes for over two hours.  I had spilled emotion after emotion out in melody to be preserved for the future.  Everything I had thought was only a wild imagination had become a little more tangible that day.  Then, when I ripped the cd onto my mp3 player, it finally started to hit me.  Tears came down as I listened to what I only imagined was my own voice.  I heard a song I once wrote sitting on my empty bedroom floor with even more tears flowing down my face.  Was what I heard really real?  I still don't know.

I got to live my dream for that day with photos and recording.  But, those dreams will be put on hold for a month as I spend more of my days studying.  I feel cheated somehow that I have to study for an exam I don't even want to take instead of focusing on something that brings me far more joy - my music.  Then I remember that I waited 5 years once for a song to come out.  I waited 8 years to have the confidence to take my music seriously.  I waited 25 years to finally convince myself that my dreams will only ever become reality if I make them so.  So...I think I can wait for one month...I hope.

Until next post...peace.