I Fought the Law and the Law Won

What do I really want at this point in my life?  The ability to continue making my art and sharing it with others.  "What about that law degree," you might ask.  What about the seven years of post-high education?  What about the close to three years of legal internship?  The sass in me would love to shout "to hell with it!"  But, that's not exactly an accurate exclamation of my feelings.

This time last year, the Associate Dean of Academic Affairs at my school asked me "so do you regret it?"  She was of course referring to my decision to go to law school (and stay in law school).  I had to think about it.  Eventually, I told her I didn't regret it.  I told her I thought it was all worth it.  Despite how much of law school upset me and everything that's happened in the last year of my life, I still believe that as truth.

The truth is that the years I have spent since entering law school have given more than an ability to parse legalese.  It helped me find who I am and what I want to do.  My skill set and confidence greatly improved because of the education and training I received.  I learned I could write.  I learned to believe in myself in law school because if I didn't, no one else would.  I learned I was better suited to create rather than master existing procedures.  Funny enough, in law school and my legal internship, I found the artist in me that always lingered beneath the surface.

There was and still is a great deal about law and the legal profession that upsets, saddens, and disappoints me.  I thought repeatedly about giving up law school and even the legal profession in general because of those disappointments.  Thankfully, in the end, I found comfort in a handful of coping mechanisms: distance running and cycling, cooking, writing, and music.  These were my ways not just to escape my disappointments but also to process and deal with them, especially with writing and music.  Interestingly though, because of my legal training (mixed of course with my education in political science, international studies, sociology, social justice, etc.) I approached both my writing and my music in a new way.  When I started writing and making music again, I was a totally different artist than I had ever been...and I liked it.  In my legal training, I learned new methods of organization.  I learned effective and powerful communication.  More importantly though, I learned how I worked best.  I learned the best ways to approach a project that suited me and got the best product out of my abilities.  It really did make a difference.

I'm not sure what life will bring me from here on out.  As much as my legal education and training have transformed me, I am unwilling to submit myself to the profession at this moment in my life.  Over the last few months especially, I have become thoroughly disillusioned and disappointed in the legal profession.  At this point in my life, I'm unable to stomach seeing the very people breaking the spirit of laws be the same people charged with interpreting and enforcing them.  I'm glad I have met a number of current and prospective lawyers who are able to handle the challenge while making a difference.  I'm counting on them to make up for what I can't provide.

Still, while I walk away from the practice of law if only for a few years, I know my life and my abilities are what they have become because of my legal education, my legal training, and my interaction with practicing attorneys (that were often a mixture of great and terrible).  I am thankful for the opportunity I was given almost four years ago to the date to go to the University of Arizona's Law School.  I appreciate everything law school and my legal training have brought into my life, especially the confidence in writing and making music.  You may never see me in the courtroom or in the Bar Association publications, but don't ever say my legal education and training went to waste.  I'm using them to make me happy, and that is what I call a good education.

Until next time...peace.

A Ship in a Bottle Set Sail

The last couple weeks have been rather busy between a trip home to Hawai'i and catching up from the time out-of-state.  But, it was all worth it.  While I was in Hawai'i, I got to meet my beautiful niece who was not even a week old.  Not only was it wonderful to meet her, it also encapsulated the fresh start 2010 has brought me.

Perhaps other years and times in my life have offered me new starts, but in 2010, I finally took advantage of the fresh starts that stood in front of me.  To say 2010 has been a fresh start doesn't quite capture exactly how much has changed in the first three to four months of the year.  I've taken opportunities to change who I worked for and what I do for pay.  I've taken opportunities to meet new people.  I've taken opportunities to experience new things and places.  But, what I've been happiest with was the opportunities I've taken to increase the presence of music and writing in my life.  It's taken a lot of faith and effort, but I think it's been worth it.

A few nights ago I performed a short set at LawLawPalooza, a fundraiser for University of Arizona's International Law Journal.  I played several songs up on O'Malley's stage looking over the crowd.  I felt great up there.  I'm starting to feel more comfortable performing.  I'm starting to have more fun.  I'm starting to love it.  And as much as I loved being up there, the thing I remember best from that night was something a friend said to me as soon as I got off stage.  "What a difference from first year," she remarked.  I responded, "I know!  I was afraid of the world then." 

The changes I have made since the new year have been tremendous.  They're put better into perspective though looking at where I am now compared to where I was just a couple years ago, as my friend mentioned.  In my first year, I got up on that same stage shy and meek - afraid of my own shadow.  Last year I climbed up on that same stage and played a couple of covers and an original I had written years previously.  I remember saying to friends who came last year to see me perform, "I hope you savored that because it's not happening again for another couple years."  And now, I requested the opportunity to play several of my very own originals (written in the last six months) and felt so much more confident and comfortable up on stage than I had any of the previous times.  I even got to announce the EP I had available to purchase and an upcoming show I was playing.  How things have changed.  Truly, what a difference it was.

2010 hasn't been all easy.  In fact, I've had to make some of the most difficult decisions I've ever made since 2010 began.  But, what I can say is that 2010 has been kind enough to offer me a fresh start in so many places in my life that need it.  And most importantly, I have been brave enough to capture the opportunities.  I can only hope the opportunities continue to present themselves.  Even if they don't though, I will be proud of what I have accomplished so far and I will be thankful for everything 2010 has given me.  After all, I've got a great new job and employer, new songs, new gigs, new friends, new stories, new experiences, and a beautiful new niece.  Even if the rest of 2010 is uneventful, my cup will be overflowing with fortune and fresh starts.

Until next time...peace.