Are you strong enough to be....

So...I'm finally back!  The February Arizona Bar Exam is now behind me, and I can live like a normal twenty-something again. Now I'm back and ready to blog!  I know this blog is supposed to be about my music, but what's music without the inspirations and stories behind it?  So, I feature today one of those reflective musings...ask my family and close friends...I'm really good at these.

When I finished the bar exam last Wednesday, I practically ran out of the building.  In fact, I was so hyped if I didn't have friends waiting, I might've attempted a run - plastic baggie full of #2 pencils and all.  At the same time I had a compelling urge to run, I was also on the verge of tears.  I had no real idea why.  Then I realized what it was. 

Very few people know the full extent of the insanity that has been my journey over the last two years.   You need only know that I could easily fill a full season of an prime-time drama with everything that's happened.  Last summer seemed the climax of my dramatic story.  I abruptly left Tucson, the only place outside the islands I ever truly considered home, to take refuge in the comfort and isolation of Hawai'i.  I left dear friends, co-workers, and even family members stunned and confused by my sudden decision to move.  To be clear, I had my reasons - very good reasons - for my decision.  But, at the heart of those reasons was a lack of the strength I needed desperately. 

Over the summer I left a great deal of unfinished business because of the lacking strength.  I left Tucson even though by my departure, it broke my heart to leave.  I continued to be hurt and affected by people who never earned that power.  I even withdrew from the Illinois Bar Exam.  And worse, I was plagued by the memory of every crazy thing good and bad I had endured over the previous two years.  It was cradled by the Ko'olau and in the comfort of people I now know will accept me no matter what mistakes I've made that I slowly gathered the strength I needed to complete the unfinished business and process my journey.

I realized on Wednesday that I had finally completed one of the last pieces of unfinished business from the two years of craziness - the bar exam.  I was so emotional because I was finally closing the book on a very tumultuous chapter of my life.  I had reclaimed Tucson for myself.  I had learned to have more patience and thicker skin.  Most importantly, I learned to appreciate every experience that made the last two years of my life one hell of a story instead of living with regret or guilt. 

That final lesson was the one that helped get me through the exam.  It was also the one that brought me back to music last fall.  It helped me turn all of my experiences - good, bad, and in between - into something constructive.  Why let an asshole bother me, when I can immortalize his actions in song?  Why get stuck on bad memories, when I could pour the emotion into ballad?  Why simply smile over my progress when I can sing about it?  In fact, I penned one of my newest songs, Extraordinary, about this exact lesson.  I only hope that from this blog and that song others can see that we all have our own journeys.  But, if we remember the obstacles we overcame on those journeys, we can show ourselves that we are strong enough to face so much more.  If we persevered once, why not again?

See, I brought it back to music...eventually.  Until next time, peace.

A Change Will Do You Good

I cracked open a fortune cookie during lunch on New Year's Eve with my family.  I've been keeping the fortune in my wallet, taking it with me everywhere I go.  What was that fortune? 

The coming month shall bring winds of change in your life.

Some of us are superstitious (even to the point of getting a tattoo of angel wings on our left shoulder for good luck....) and others are not.  Regardless of where you stand on the spectrum, there's one thing for certain: this fortune has been frighteningly accurate.

Since that December 31st day, a lot has changed in my life.  More than I even could have predicted at the time.  I returned to Tucson in January after the holidays with some goals and the determination to achieve them.  I had goals to live healthier, get in better shape, and some of the other more common things we all strive for.  I also had a goal to push my music a little more seriously to see where I could take it.  I knew I wasn't going to get a record contract in a month, but I wanted to put my music out there and get more people listening.  In January, I played an open mic (and would've loved to play more of them), I took a bunch of photos in anticipation of promo materials, and I laid down several tracks.  By the end of January, I even put together a four-song EP called The Empty Bedroom Sessions EP, which is available to the masses (just send me a note).

But what was more surprising was the other things that had changed in my life.  In the final days of January I gave notice to the office where I like to say I once came of age.  I started winding up issues from my past that I never thought I'd get to put behind me.  I prepared to get closure finally with some people, places, and relationships I had never had the strength to close the door on. 

As I started February, I knew I'd no longer be working the same job and I'd be delving deeper into hermit-mode as the bar exam loomed more ominously.  However, I also knew I had set life up to be different and hopefully much better.  January brought me a long way.  I'm not sure if the fortune was truly divine or if it was merely a self-fulfilling prophecy...the "okay" I needed to finally get moving on the changes and dreams I wanted to pursue.  I do know that I had come a long way in just thirty-one short days.  And, I do know that I still have a long way to go.  One thing I carry over from the fortune cookie prediction in December though is the excitement of the changes to come.  It's an excitement that pushes me to be stronger, go harder, and be bolder.  I accept the challenge.

Until next time...peace.